Something in the water

5 Jun

We have a Hungarian engraver work with us, he is partially deaf, and when he joined 2 years ago he spoke no English, he still only speaks a little English, I think learning a new language must be that much harder when you are deaf.

He seems to operate in his own little bubble, today he got a text message to say his Father in Hungary had died overnight – His father is also an engraver and was only discovered this morning by his apprentice – we’re not sure but it seems he had a heart attack – I think there can be few things worse than a sudden unexpected death, especially if you find out about it when you are in a different country.

Of course it has brought all of the feelings of loss back for me, not sure they ever went away, but it instantly brings them back to the surface, I tell myself I was lucky, I was able to be there when I lost my mum and my dad, holding my dad’s hand, stroking my mum’s hair as they left this world, but I don’t feel particularly lucky, it’s a strange feeling of being alone, I feel like an abandoned child, in adult form.

But it also brings out a defiant streak in me, I will not be publicly emotionally blackmailed into buying a book I do not wish to purchase, on principle I will refuse to buy it now, it isn’t the £4.75, it’s the fact you don’t know me at all if you think you can shame or embarrass me into making a purchase – would a purchase have any meaning if you glare publicly at someone until they buy it?

I also do not want to be invited to a show, 48 hours before the event when I was told two weeks ago that a group of friends had booked the show and they hadn’t thought to include me – I didn’t want to see the show in the first place and I don’t want to be added in at the last minute like an after-thought – it might sound ungrateful but if I wasn’t in the original plans I’m happy to stay outside of them, especially when one of the crowd has taken to filling his Twitter timeline with pictures of himself in crotchless underwear – I want to un-follow but I’m worried about causing offence or seeming rude, how English is that?


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